You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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