I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
