I am in a vortex of obligation.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
