we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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