Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
