I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
