i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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