They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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