What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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