so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
