Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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