Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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