at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
