if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
