She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ok first of all what the fuck
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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