btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize