The maid of honor just puked.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
