Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
