very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
