can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
