Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
