and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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