No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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