Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
