So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
