So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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