is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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