A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
