Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
