i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
