ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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