New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
