Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
