She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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