Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
