yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
