Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
