I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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