Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
