and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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