can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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