Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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