Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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