She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
