I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
