I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
