I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
