Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
