i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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