It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize