So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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