Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
