Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
