she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
