They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
