Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
