if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
