bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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