Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
