That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
