I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
