Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
