xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
