There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
