you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
