so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
