You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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