Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And then he peed in my hair
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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