I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
