It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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