Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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