I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
