oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
