I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
