Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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