If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
