Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
