1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
