i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
