Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
