He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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