mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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