I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
