I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
